If you can keep up with my seemingly random font changes, then you have a stronger mind than I. This one is “Modern No. 20″, although it looks like the opposite of modern to me.
If you like tales of high adventure, then prepare to be sorely disappointed. This story is just a short anecdote summarising an entertaining night of petty crime.
It all started with a walk commencing at 8pm, taking my party through some haunted, bear-infested back country owned by someone possessive enough to put up signs proclaiming that “trespassers will be prosecuted”. We were almost at a fence marking the beginning of some other selfish person’s property when the person behind me whispered “Pssst! Put your light out, and stay quiet!”
I did as I was bid, but turned to ask why. The words caught in my throat, however, as I saw a light bobbing up and down in the woods behind us, only a few paces from where we were standing. The light stopped, and then swept over our position. We couldn’t hide properly without making more noise (the undergrowth was too dense), so instead we bent from our waists and turned our faces away, remaining as inconspicuous as possible.
“Who is that?” I asked my informant, but he merely shook his head.
Suddenly, the light went out. Whoever this person was, they were waiting for us to make a move. Then, the phone of the person three men back began to ring. It seemed like an eternity before he managed to switch it off, and when he did the light was back on and questing again.
“Hi guys.” It was my bastard friend from work. He’d followed us at a distance all the way through the forest.
The relief was tangible, but quickly replaced by a surge of aggravation. I explained my fond desire to end his life, but ended up welcoming him to our party. We then managed to get to the road, which fortunately was publicly owned.
We arrived at the school shortly after. We climbed up the nearest wall and sat upon the roof, gazing at the stars and surrounding countryside. We talked of videogames and other innocuous things, before Bastard explained he had to be going. We bade him farewell and he departed without fanfare.
“How are we getting down?” Someone asked me, and I provided them with option A and option B.
A: Easy Mode Pansy Climb of Comfort; and B: Veteran Difficulty Certain Death and Suffering.
Two of the braver members of my party chose B, and the rest elected the way of ease. My two companions and I shimmied across some guttering and across more rooftops until we reached the other side of the school. I leapt from the roof, breaking my fall with a forward roll. The rest of my party rendezvoused with us and the other two climbed down (it wasn’t too tricky with the help a 6’7″ companion). We made our way to the playground, where I realised my watch had exploded back when I jumped from the roof. I revisited the place of my landing, collected the fragments and pocketed them, before returning to my party.
We hung about, eating Twisties ZigZags and drinking Pepsi (which, remarkably, was still cold), and chatted idly. We set out shortly after for the cemetery. The sky was clear and studded with stars, so we spent most of our time with our necks craned back. It was truly a remarkable evening.
We walked back to my house, and then all crammed back into one car (not quite legally), and then dispersed with a smattering of handshakes and hugs goodbye.
Didn’t see that many bears, though.
