Forgivehness, Pleaseh

I offer you my humble, racist apologies. Although absolutely nobody cares about what I do and who I am, and right now I picture myself standing at a lectern and addressing a barren assembly hall, gesturing to a pie chart with a long ruler and dressed in a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches, I owe it to my nonexistent online following to continue updating my log of every boring detail of my life.

Take for example AotV: I’ve been writing it (well, rewriting it would be more accurate) but I haven’t actually made any progress with it since I got my new laptop, mainly because of the not inconsiderable hurdle of not having any word processing software. I’m sorry, let me amend that last statement: the hurdle of not having any word processing software which supports all the unnecessary formatting I have become dependent on. Well, better section breaks and update-able contents than heroin, I suppose.

I hear the voice of the fictional reader who doesn’t exist exclaim “But Pug! There is no formatting! You’ve just been pasting your drivel straight into an online form and clicking ‘Publish’, you increasingly stupid, insane, certified loner!”

To myself I reply (because of course no one made any exclamation of the sort): “A good, if not offensive point, Constant Reader. Your loyalty is matched only by your harrowing cruelty. I’m going to tell you something now: there are two (two) versions of the chronicle!” At this point I pause, waiting a brief moment for the excited murmuring to die down. “Indeed, yes! The version you see here is the version to which I copy the other version, which holds residence on my personal computer’s hard drive. And also on half a dozen internet storage facilities for which I have forgotten my account details. It is this ‘other’ version which I doll up just for me, and to which I put all my amendments and changes first, before finally uploading here.”

At this point there is a pregnant pause, before someone (toward the back, I fancy) shouts “What?”

Right, I’m Annoyed Now.

Guess what? MSN has some major beef with my new computer as well.

This time, the installer finishes “downloading Messenger”, and then tells me “The downloaded file is corrupt”. I’m sorry, but I don’t see how that’s my problem.

And another thing: you know those old-time bicycles with the big wheel on the front? When are they going to make their big comeback to popularity? Mine’s been rusting for years in anticipation!

I need some drugs!!

MSN Gives Me the Shits

I’m trying to install an older, more stable version of Messenger (because the latest Windows Live sucks in every regard), but whenever I run the installer, I’m slapped with an error message.

Installer detected a later version of Live on your computer. Uninstall current version of Live programs and try again.

I already did. Couldn’t the installer I don’t know … remove whatever it found? Sure, check with me first, but don’t count on me to track down this mysterious Phantom Installation because I have more entertaining things to do with my time.

Sometimes I wonder who they’ve got Application Programming for some of these “reputable” developers. Once I save up enough money I’m going to buy a computer that isn’t cluttered with ghosts of programs past.

AotV Exploits

I’ve begun uploading my rewrite of a story I compiled a while ago. I will try to add whole chapters at once, although the second one is incomplete as of yet (for this I apologise). If you find it interesting, keep an eye on it–I’ll update it when I can.

The chief protagonist happens to share my online moniker. Unfortunately when I initially wrote this work the name started as a placeholder, but gradually grew on me as a character and I regrettably never changed it to something more sensible.

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Feelin’ fine.

Item Get!

So I finally got an iPhone of my own. I’m using it to type this post up now. It’s funny — I’ve never owned a phone that could play mp3s and now I’ve got a phone that can do that and a lot more, too! The touch keyboard is really intuitive and the auto correct feature makes it really easy to use. I just wish that the “My 3″ page would update more often than it does so I know how much I’m spending. I feel like I’ll be in for a rude shock when my first e-voice arrives…

I’ve also been converting my songs into ringtones and making them unique to my contacts, and I also managed to get Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace OP as a ringtone too. At the moment it’s allocated to Coles but I need to take a photo of the shop for the full effect of the song to sink in.

Monster Hunter

Ah, Yian Kut-Ku. I must be doing something wrong. I just can’t seem to kill him. I’ve come close, sure–but there’s got to be an easier way.

 

Just look at him! He’s got some attitude alright (as poorly defined his pixels may be).

I need to come up with a strategy. At the moment I’m taking him on one-on-one with my sword and shield.

OK, I’ve bought a large barrel bomb. I wonder if I can place it in a pitfall trap …? Probably not. It’d explode too quickly. Well I’m going to put something in there.

If this doesn’t work, I’m going to recruit my bro Jacob and maybe Rhys and we’ll take the sucker down together.

Update: YES! Took him down just now, after 3am. I shook him up a bit with a barrel bomb, and then it was just some honest sword and boardwork the rest of the way. Unfortunately, I’ve unlocked a new quest called “King Kut-Ku” which involves slaying a bigger, uglier version of the one I just spent all night dealing with.

Gorons are Go

Goron

A race at home in volcanic mountains, the gorons are as thick and heavy as the stones they eat. They tend towards crafting and other activities that allow them to make use of their hardy nature.

RACIAL TRAITS

Average Height: 6′1″ – 7′3″
Average Weight: 275-350 lb.
Ability Scores: +2 Strength, +2 Constitution
Size: Medium
Speed: 4 squares
Vision: Low-Light
Languages: Common
Skill Bonuses:+2 Athletics, +2 Endurance
Encumbered Speed: You move at your normal speed even when it would normally be reduced by armor or a heavy load. Other effects that limit speed (such as difficult terrain or magical effects) affect you normally.
Stone Cold: You suffer a -2 penalty to powers and effects with the cold keyword, and a -2 penalty to skills checks made in cold climates. You also suffer a -5 penalty to Athletics checks when swimming.
Volcanic Denizen: You gain a +1 racial bonus to your AC and Fortitude defenses, and resist 5 fire.
At 11th level, the resistance improves to 10 fire.
At 21st level, the resistance improves to 15 fire.
Goron Curl: You have the goron curl racial power.

Goron Curl (Goron Racial Power)
You can curl up tightly, becoming much like a living boulder.
At-will * Goron Curl
Minor Action , Personal Range
Effect: You gain a +2 bonus to AC and Fortitude defense, and your speed increases by 2 squares. However, you take a -2 penalty to attack rolls and grant combat advantage to enemies making melee attacks against you. While curled, you cannot carry anything above a normal load.
Sustain minor: You remain curled until you take damage.

If You Drive a Car, There’s a 70% Chance I Don’t Like You

Drivers on our Australian roads are ignorant selfish jerks. In fact, inattention causes more crashes than fatigue, speeding, and drink-driving combined. I’m not being cute, that’s an actual statistic.

Coming home the other night (on a 60kph road–Old Norton Summit Road to be unnecessarily precise) a guy zoomed up behind me doing about 80 with his high beams on. When I broke his stride, he began tail-gating. I pulled over, watched him zip around the next bend, and then resumed driving. As soon as I did, another driver appeared behind me, and the exact same thing happened again.

Seriously, in my experience, 70% of Aussie drivers are just plain jerks.

Nothing to Say

“If you’ve got nothing [nice] to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

Well screw that I haven’t posted in ages.

You know what I hate? My laptop’s attitude. It’s ironic that I’m using my laptop to convey this message, heh. Two instances I hate particularly:

1. When a song I don’t feel like listening to starts playing on iTunes, and the laptop freezes so I can’t change it (it continues playing the damned song anyway); and
2. When I’m talking to someone, and suddenly I’m signed out and MSN complains about “WAH the default gateway’s munted WAH”, and it takes at least five minutes to get it sorted.

I’m sure your problems are much worse than these, but like I said; I have nothing else to say. If your problems are much worse, feel free to punch me next time you see me, I probably have it coming.

Of course, I am trained in self-defence, and if I’ve forgotten about this post, I might — yeah, just be sure to tell me why.

I look forward to our next encounter, gentle reader.